A Brief Introduction:
For a while now, I have been contemplating whether or not to start this blog series but I mustered up the courage to begin what has been a long time coming! My name is M. Alex Ramirez and I am a Colombian born saxophonist based in NYC. I have always had a special connection to the saxophone since I was young and wanted to share with you some of my thoughts especially as New York City is starting to open up again.
Pandemicly Patient:
The day the world came to a screeching halt, I was about finished teaching at NYU where I later rode a usually crowded A train up to where I live. I was greeted by my wife who already had the news channel on the TV reporting about the inevitable severity of the virus. Close friends of ours came to visit, knowing that this might well be the last time we see each other in a while. 12,000 deaths were reported and the emails of stay-at-home orders began to fill the notification bars of our phones. The worst was yet to come and we were not prepared to face the dangerous new world.
I was in the middle of the semester in my graduate studies and felt that the program fell apart for the first few weeks, but slowly most music programs learned the ways of Zoom. It was dreadful to be limited to discussions rather than playing but it was a necessary sacrifice to keep our closest friends and family safe. As the semester ended those who burned out left, but those without a choice stayed for the deep lockdown.
I was left with nothing musically; no one to play with, no one to practice with, no one. My supportive wife helped me with this musical slump that was commonplace around the world. The goal I wanted before everything ceased was to build a community and have the courage to go to jams and network. This tradition died quickly and was replaced by virtual concerts and seminars that enveloped the new wave of Jazz online. Jasmine (my wife) quickly took note of this and used me as a guinea pig for her new-found knowledge with artist branding and management. This was the beginning of how we finally got here!
How It Started:
First we revamped the website and made it cater to how I felt best described who I was and what I am passionate about. Then it was the plan for social media. First I started playing jazz standards, big band charts and beats I made at home. And this was the bulk of what I did in 2020 with the added work of school, teaching, and being a husband. A full time job that increasingly became demanding. After a while, the results showed as I went from having a humble 300 followers on Instagram to over 1500! The work paid off and I was starting to get offers from sax shops and accessory businesses. Things were looking on the up and up, but the weight and pressure of producing content put strains on my mental health.
This consistency of posting was there and after a month of posting I reached my goal earlier than expected. Because of the success with Instagram and Facebook, I took the same practices from Jasmine and applied them to YouTube when I started in late August. The channel was also met with astounding success as the views were well received and I started to create the community that died when the lockdown started. In less than a month I gained over 100 subscribers and in the second month I had more than 1000 views in my first video! The success was slowly getting outweighed by the stress of consistency though.
The burnout occurred in May of 2021. I was finishing my thesis for the Masters program and also trying to finish classes for the end of the semester and recording my debut album all at the same time. The stress was extreme and I decided it was to time to leave it all for peace of mind. I will never regret the decision I made as it was much more important for me to enjoy the music and loved ones than to keep people I didn’t even know happy with my content. I spent three months offline and I felt amazing. I began practicing again and in full force and have never felt more free and confident. Breaks were necessary and I knew it was time.
Now We’re Here
After the decision to focus on myself, the music, and my family, I lost myself in doubt and guilt. Will people hate that I’m gone and not posting? Will they even care that I’m gone? Has no one ever cared? I sat with these questions and feelings in my head after stopping and I was paralyzed for weeks. My thoughts clouded my actions and led to many unfinished ideas and projects. I finally burned out after recording the album and was left with nothing to do when the semester ended. I was regularly gigging shortly after and would feel guilty from sounding the same and not practicing. The guilt and anxiousness traveled with me everywhere and enveloped my everyday.
Visiting family was next on the list after the long wait and the reunion was emotional and calming at the same time. After knowing that we were all safe I began to forget the feelings of guilt and enjoyed my first few days with family. It wasn’t until after the trip that I realized that I had finally relaxed (only a month later) and felt the surge of positive energy motivate me once again. I went on a trip to Boston for my brothers birthday and had a wonderful time being a tourist in Boston for the first time after being a student for five years. On a day trip to Salem I was curious and tried a reading with Jasmine and was met with some interesting premonitions. I was intrigued with that the reader told us both and changed my outlook on what the future was going to offer.
Shortly after I started to practice again and it was not stressful, painful, or boring. It was a breath of fresh air and I enjoyed every second of it. After practicing consistently, I noticed a change in my playing and the way I perceived music. It was a lighter touch to everything, and not caring so much about the notes, but the way the notes felt. Gig after gig I noticed the difference my practicing had led me to. Ideas would flow, my mind was clear and the only objective was to emote through my horn and have connection with the music, musicians and audience.
Now and Beyond
The month of August has been one of the busy gigging months for me with a gig every week and recording dates for multiple people and groups. I will have practiced every day for a month and a half by the end of this month and I feel great about the music and my playing and am excited to see where this takes me. I am relaunching my website with new layouts and content and will be recording more YouTube videos for September. I will be playing in a festival in September and will be leading my band in gigs for the rest of the year for the first time since the Pandemic started. It feels good to be back.
This will be a weekly blog I’ll post on the website so feel free to come and read what I’m up to and whats on my mind during the week. Stay Saxy!